Guilty Pleasures : Shark Night 3D

 

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Welcome to Guilty Pleasures the feature where TheHorrorOnline shines a light on horror films that don’t deserve to be liked, they deserve to be the reason someone got fired..but you’ll still hate watch them on Netflix. Before reading on know that yes all films featured here are crap, they’re not so bad they’re good they’re just crap. Today let’s look at Shark Night 3D

The Case For :

Shark Night 3D works perfectly as a guilty pleasure mostly because it has sharks and stupid teenagers being eaten by them! It also features some of the worst dialogue ever heard in a horror film, or any film for that matter..

 

The Case Against :

Sara Paxton proved her weight as a scream queen in 2009’s Last House On The Left remake, so there was hope that she could lift this film from complete dreck to popcorn fun. She didn’t.

 

The Stats..Can’t Fight The Facts..

Rotten Tomatoes Score : 4%

 

The Story

Sara brings six of her young attractive college friends to her family’s lakeside cabin and then.. SHARKS because nothing bad ever happens when pretty young people decide to vacation together in a remote location…

 Shark Night 5

 

Stupid Is As Stupid Does :

Oh boy hold tight and prepare for spoilers!

The stupidity started with the trailer which suggested that a bunch of young people were on a island surrounded by sharks, but the nice New England kind of island where they have cable and cocktail shakers..Aaaand, where is the horror here? There are very happy billionaires out there with shark surrounded islands, which they paid good money for! If there are sharks in the water then stay on land and drink a cocktail, you idiots! Of course the film itself reveals that there are nefarious bad guys who feed the teenagers to the sharks, which leads us to..

Shark Snuff films. Really? Really?? The villains have decided to make snuff movies featuring young people being eaten by sharks because there’s a big market for that apparently. Where? Who could possibly want to watch that? Except maybe sharks?!

And why did an ex from Sara’s past devise such heinous (convoluted) revenge? Because she physically scarred him..apparently. If by this point in the film and you have not yet passed out from laughing hysterically, then you’re doing well. Rugged male model-esque Dennis, has been left with a thin scar on his cheek which actually gives him a mysterious air and adds to his Adonis like beauty. Observe ;

 

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But apparently no one ever told him that ‘chicks dig scars’ so he decided to (somehow) transport several deadly sharks from the ocean with the help of just a rowboat and his hick friend and put them in a salt lake and then tie up Sara’s friends feed them to said sharks, film it and then sell the footage on the internet. That’ll show her!!

 

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Watch it?

No?

 

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