The Bad Horror Film Club: Paranormal Entity

Welcome to The Bad Horror Film Club , Here we take a look at Horror films that give off a ‘Likely to be shit’ vibe ; you know  the one’s they arrive on Netflix or show up on late night T.V, with no fanfare and no stars in their cast list except  perhaps someone who was in a T.V show in the nineties. All you have to prepare yourself for what you might see is just some dubious cover art and a sub par trailer on Youtube. So TheHorrorline is going to see if they can find a diamond in the crappy horror movie rough. They will be given a fair chance and we will discover whether or not they belong in The Bad Horror Film Club

For Consideration :  Paranormal Entity 2009

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The Horroronline had a very strong ‘likely to be shit’ feeling about this film before watching it, what couldn’t be known until after watching the film though was that it would actually give you a ‘Dear God this film is so bad, I want to spend fifteen years studying quantum physics just so I can have a good chance of inventing a time machine, going back in time and NEVER watching this film’ feeling.

And with that  introduction let’s look at the story behind Paranormal Entity’s (unfortunate) existence. Paranormal Entity was given to the world by The Asylum film studio, one of the most despised studios in Hollywood, they are the film studio equivalent of ‘Ambulance Chasers’. Their film’s have coined the term ‘Mockbuster’ given that they take a recently popular film, change the title a smidge and then basically remake it with just 1% of its original budget.  They have brought us such classics as Transmorphers, Snakes on a Train and The Da vinci Treasure and have had several lawsuits taken out against them for copyright infringement, yet they continue to release sneakily familiar titled films and confuse countless elderly people who are looking for a recommended title into watching trash instead, evil bastards.

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The production of Paranormal Entity seems to have involved giving someone called Shane Van Dyke money to write, direct and star in the film, all which he seems to have done while also possibly playing Angry birds .It suddenly shocks the Horroronline that they have managed to write 378 words about Paranormal Entity without putting down the words Paranormal Activity. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY! PARANORMAL ACTIVITY! PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!  (phew that’s better) Paranormal Entity was of course conceived to be a direct rip off of Paranormal Activity and it apparently feels no shame about that fact as it does it so blatantly.

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The film begins abruptly with a frantic 911 call and the familiar white on black typing prologue that tells us ‘People dead y’all!’ or something. We are then introduced to the Finley family ; Thomas, his sister Samantha and their mother Ellen. Thomas and Samantha’s father has recently died, leaving their mother grieving and reaching out to the other side. Unlike Paranormal Activity which introduced us to a likeable realistic couple and slowly showed their affection for each other as well as their growing fear of the paranormal goings on in their home, Paranormal Entity does none of these things ; Samantha in her surly aggressiveness is horrendously unlikable, her mother is a nice sturdy piece of blasa wood and Thomas our POV controller is a straight up idiot. After ten minutes of listening to their inane, ridiculous conversations that are supposed to pass for ‘real life’ you begin to desperately hope that this Paranormal Entity will come soon and murder the lot of them. The film snails onward as strange things happen ;  Thomas sets up a camera on a tripod and faces it directly at his sister’s bed while no one questions this creepy behavior, the mother fake cries, a glass breaks (yawn). Then an earnest psychic shows up and basically quotes the wildly superior psychic from Paranormal Activity and also informs the family that apparently there is an evil spirit in their home who bizarrely has a massive ghost boner for the awful Samantha. This reveal leads to some despicably misogynistic treatment of the Samantha character by having her thrash around naked while she is apparently ‘Ghost Raped’, For shame!(needless and insulting objectification of women, check). At a blessedly short running time of 88 minutes the film does thankfully end soon after this.

Paranormal Entity, is a soulless, concept robbing , piece of trash whose only redeeming feature is that it is laughable.

Bad Horror Film Club Verdict : Paranormal Entity you rightly belong in The Bad Horror Film Club, wear your crown with pride, you steaming pile of excrement!

 

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