Don’t Do it! When Not To Watch a Horror Film

Some life experiences can be made all the more frightening by seeing a horror movie’s worst case scenario.. Here are the films that could lead you to wanting to change your plans..

 

Before Flying

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Film : Final Destination (2000)

Your suitcase is packed, your tickets are booked, you are about to take to the sky! Now is not a good time to watch Devon Sawa and his classmates get shook like salt in a shaker and then ripped one by one out of a careening plane before the entire vessel explodes in flames. Don’t forget your Lonely Planet!

 

 

Alternative:  Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)

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John Candy doesn’t make a good travel mate but by God at least no one burns to death!

 

 

Before Backpacking

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Films : Hostel Part 1(2005) & 2 (2007), Wolf Creek (2005)

Backpacking ; a young person’s rite of passage, it offers freedom, new experiences, alternative drinking ages and if you’re Eli Roth the chance to die an excruciatingly horrific death. And if you are the makers of Wolf Creek, it gives you the inspiration to create a horribly gruesome tale from a true story. Suddenly the back garden and a tent look very appealing. (sidenote: The Horroronline actually stayed at a campsite in Bratislava for four days and could create a pretty epic and probably quite successful horror film from their experiences there.)

 

 

Alternative:  EuroTrip (2004)

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There is hilarity and merriment, people actually have sex! Matt Damon sings (sort of)! Wonderful. And the real down sides (and positives) of visiting Bratislava are given a hilarious send up.

 

 

Before Babysitting

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Films : When a Stranger Calls (1979 & 2006)

The children are asleep, there are cupboards full of treats just waiting to be eaten, what could go wrong? Oh, I see this family have portable phones upstairs and downstairs.. Trying to get small children to bed can also at times be horrifying but even more terrifying is the concept (spoiler!) that the menacing killer is calling from inside the house!

 

 

Alternative: The Babysitters Club (1995)

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Rachel Leigh Cook finds love, someone reconciles with their father, someone else overcomes the hardships of diabetes. They have several pyjama parties..Sold!

 

 

Before Going To Prom

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Films : Carrie (1976), Prom Night (1980 & 2008)

The Prom will often be a night filled with questionable choices ; choice of dress, hairstyle, date. But no one should die, that’s a certainty. Unfortunately for Jamie Lee Curtis (who should really have learnt by then that just leaving her house causes her to be stalked by a maniac) Prom Night is all about death and scarily bad hair. Conversely you could watch the Prom Night remake while at your prom and probably not be frightened but let’s include it anyway. It is truly Carrie that creates a Prom nightmare scenario; Your dress gets ruined and everyone laughs at you! Oh and most of the senior class dies horribly.

 

 

Alternative: Prom (2011)

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Disney does Prom and there’s not a drop of pig’s blood.

 

 

Before Having a Baby

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Films : Rosemary’s Baby (1968) The Omen (1976)

If you got two blue lines don’t watch these films. The Omen shows us how toddler tantrums can be fatal and how a mini trike can be a murderous weapon. Rosemary’s Baby is just out and out terrifying. This may have to do with the harrowing experiences Mia Farrow has said she went through during filming. She claims that instead of hiring expensive stunt drivers for the scene where Rosemary walks out into traffic, Roman Polanski sent Farrow out into real traffic exclaiming “No one will hit a pregnant woman”. It is also a horror film with one of the greatest uses of off camera action ‘What’s wrong with it’s eyes?!!” *shudder*

 

 

Alternative: She’s Having a Baby (1988)

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Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth Mc Govern are about to have a sprog and though they have to contend with emotional turmoil, meddling parents and Kate Bush – it definitely isn’t evil and will hopefully have Kevin Bacon’s hair.

 

 

Before A Weekend Vacation with friends

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Films : Almost Every Horror Film Ever Made..EVER (Since The Beginning of Time)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday The 13th, Shark Night, The Evil Dead, The Hills Have Eyes,  Wrong Turn, Dead Mary, Cabin Fever, All The Boys Love Mandy Lane ; the list is endlessly endless (and five of those films have remakes) so endless that it is now a construct ; A group of attractive young people going somewhere together on vacation = Baaaaad things.

 

 

Alternative : National Lampoons Vacation (1983)

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Things go wrong (often) but no one dies and it has Chevy Chase in it.

 

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